New Sports

Matt Zeitlin’s idea that the American men’s basketball team should be tested by competing against a non-American dream team (i.e. Yao, Pau, Nowitzki, Ginobli and Nash) is hilarious.  I understand the sentiment, but in how many sports is the test of a team’s dominance whether it could win against any conceivable other team?

This dovetails with a conversation my friend Michael and I had: if we’re going to stop the Chinese Olympics juggernaut, our only hope is to invent sports that we can continue dominating.  So we’ll keep Basketball, open Baseball up to the pros, institute some weird baseball spinoffs (batting practice? home run contests?), and keep ridiculous competitions like BMX going. We could also create more medal events in track and field, since China seems unlikely to ever unseat us there.  Weak events like “Martial Arts” could be balanced out by “killing people with guns,” or “firing guns into the air,” events which I can presume we’d do well in.  As far as new sports, we’re currently #1 in competitive eating.  Any further suggestions?


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